identity crises

P had to help me through another bout of depression. This job/career thing is really stressing me out. I need a new job, but I don't want a career in the things that I could get a job in. I don't want to be a communications person in a non profit for the rest of my life, although that would be an interesting and BETTER paying job than I have now. But when I start thinking about what I want to do and all the money and time that will go into getting to any of those things, I start hyperventilating.

I feel like my parents or maybe my mom, see me as a writer or whathaveyou, but won't encourage me to go for it. I don't know. I can't blame her, but I feel, I need, I crave someone telling me I am awesome at this one thing and that I should totally DO something for it.

Anyway, I feel a little ill. Sick, tired. Confused.

I can't wait to get out of this current job.

Tomorrow I can water my plants, get a new social security card and return my car.