name change

I have been married for approximately four and a half months. I think that Patrick and I are very chill--we still smile when we say things in passing like, "My wife and I..." but other than that, we aren't all married in your face type of people.

The only hellish thing that has occurred since we got married is my attempt at changing my name.

Patrick and I discussed it before we got married. We thought that though it would be possible to have our kids have the last name without me having to change mine, that it would be better to present a united front. Besides, this being the patriarchal society it is, it's not like I am making a statement my keeping my dad's name. I felt that it would also be more proof my love for him.

I did the simple things first: my email. Then I stepped into the legal morass of changing one's identity and it's fucking hell.

I did it backwards--changing my name on my bank accounts. The lady at the bank said that I really should have done my SSN first and then my ID card and THEN my accounts. How are you going to prove who you are when you take out money? Panicking, I filled out my SSN name change form, freaking about whether or not I was going to keep my beloved middle name or change it now to my maiden name. I spent a hellish 20 minutes in the SSA office when their computers went down. Fortunately for me, they could grab my application and proofs of identity and let me leave.

After two weeks, I had received my new social security card. I was now ready to tackle the license. Except, that I wasn't. I left it alone, figuring I needed time to focus on other things, LIKE: credit cards, magazine subscriptions, health and car insurance, savings accounts, registration, title, and god knows what else.

I have made it about halfway through that list. I am about to fly to San Francisco. Patrick made the tickets in our married name and my photo ID still says KIRK.

I decide I would go and get a DC's drivers license, as that's where we live. I show up with all the documents I think I need and am told I need a birth certificate. I cry, curse DC and my own stupidity and say, fine, screw DC. I will just change the name on my MD license as that will be simple AND I could be moving back to MD really soon.

I take my license and a copy of my marriage certificate. I take 2 buses to get to the MVA in Wheaton MD. I wait in line. A nice woman calls me up and asks me what I need to get done. I say change my name. She says, "Great, I just need to see your license and ORIGINAL marriage certificate." I start moaning, I think. She tells me that all I need to do is run home, get the real one and I can come to the front of the line. I run out of the MVA crying into the phone.

I don't know what is with me and crying at registries but it's happened now twice. Patrick had to call the airline and change my name back to the original. The operator said, "She could bring her ID and her marriage certificate and that would work." Patrick opted for a paid change instead, because, as you know, I have TONS of luck with that certificate. All I would need is for the teller to say, OH NO, you need to have the original AND your birth certificate.

I hate this process. I hate the loopholes and the bureaucracy. When I am filling out forms, I don't know whether to use my new name or my old one. It is still just me. Why does it have to be so difficult.